The Courtship Culture Commandments

1. Thou shalt prize thy emotional, spiritual, and physical virginity above all else, as it is a special gift to be given to thy spouse on thy wedding night. 

2. Thou shalt never be alone with thy intended, for, as Jeremiah remindeth us, "The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked." Therefore, thou shalt not be without the supervision of a chaperon. After all, everyone shall act the same when alone with thee, as they did in front of thy family. 

3. Thou shalt not hold hands, kiss, or hug (other than a brief side hug) for that may spark desire, and lead thou and thine into unforgivable sin. 

4. Thou shalt not have crushes, nor enter into a relationship with one whom thou will not marry, for if thou dost so, thy heart shall be irrevocably compromised, and shall not be able to adequately love thy future spouse.

5. Thou shalt adore, revere, and worship thy father and mother, since they are the direct voice of God in thy life 

6. Thou shalt utterly spurn any male who doth not first approach thy father to discuss his interest in thee. 

7. Thou shalt always treat thine intended as thy brother or sister in Christ in all purity, forgetting not that any desire for physical relations with thy betrothed is sin. 

8. Thy body belongs to thy future spouse, therefore, thou shalt not defraud him/her, through any means. 

9. Thou shalt loudly proclaim that God is capable of restoring the damage done to thy emotions/heart/body, done when thou didst not know any better, yet vehemently declare any person who doth not live up to thy laws to be damaged goods. 

10. Thou shalt always remember that Emotional Purity + Biblical Courtship = Godly Marriage. 

11. Thou shalt carefully screen thy son/daughter's future prospects, and pressure them into the match which thou determinest to be the fittest for them. 

12. Thou shalt look down upon those who, through worldly influences and corruption, allow their children to date. 

13. Courtship is to dating what homeschooling is to public schooling - the obvious Godly choice for thy house, and to be followed if thou desirest to say 'As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord'. 

14. Thou shalt attend purity balls, wear purity rings, and claim thy father or thy Lord as thy spouse in the interim. 

15. Thou shalt feverishly work on thy hope chest, learn traditional tasks done by thy gender, in preparation for the traditional western gender roles which thou shalt assume after thy nuptials. 

16. Thou shalt not become close friends with an individual of the opposite gender, for doth thou not know that it is emotional adultery? 

17. Family knoweth best. Always. Thou shalt have no private communication without their knowledge and screening. Thy brothers art thy guardians. 

18. When asked by strangers whether or not thou dateth, thou shalt always reply that thou escheweth such a worldly form of relationships, and passionately proclaim the wonders of courtship. 

19. Thou shalt save thy first kiss for the altar on thy wedding day.

20. Thou shalt be committed to a virtual stranger, during thy courtship. 

21. Thou shalt hold thy intended to the high standard of Fitzwilliam Darcy, and loudly bemoan the lack of "real men" in thy generation. 

22. Thou shalt marry the first person thou courteth, for otherwise thou shalt have given away an irreplaceable piece of thy heart. 

23. Thy heart hath only so much love to give. Squander it not. 

24. The man is the initiator. Thou shalt not, if female, express interest in one who has not already expressed interest in thee. 

25. Thou shalt always, above all, GUARD THY HEART/ 

Harvey and Jesus

"And those seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music"

                        - Japanese Proverb

I don't know if any of you have seen or heard of the play Harvey, but I saw it for the first time recently, and was instantly struck by a bizarre comparison. 

Harvey reminds me, in a lot of ways, of our relationship with Jesus. 

Now for those of you who haven't seen either the play or the movie, let me explain. 

The story line revolves around a middle aged man, Elwood P. Dowd, whose best friend is an invisible 6'3" white rabbit known simply as Harvey. Elwood and Harvey are inseparable. They do everything together: go to concerts, play poker, frequent bars, and Elwood insists on introducing Harvey to everyone he meets. Needless to say, this penchant of his is met with suspicion, alarm, and outright hostility on the part of those around him. The entire town is convinced that he has gone insane. In fact, his own sister tries to get him admitted to a psych ward! 

Quite frankly, there are probably some who will read this and think the psych ward is where I should be for even attempting to make this comparison. But bear with me. 

See, there's a beautiful passage, where Elwood is depicting an evening spent with Harvey, and this is how he describes it:  

"Harvey and I sit in the bars...have a drink or two...play the juke box. And soon the faces of all the other people they turn toward mine and they smile. And they're saying, "We don't know your name, mister, but you're a very nice fella". Harvey and I warm ourselves in all these golden moments. We've entered as strangers - soon we have friends, And they come over. They sit with us. They drink with us. They talk to us. They tell us about the big terrible things they've dine and the big wonderful things they'll do. Their hopes, and their regrets, and their loves, and their hates. All very large, because nobody ever brings anything small into a bar. And then I introduce them to Harvey. And he is bigger and grander than anything they offer me, and when they leave, they leave impressed. The same people seldom come back; but that's envy, my dear. There's a little bit of envy in the best of us". 

And it struck me: This is how our relationship with Jesus should be. 

It should be the kind where, when people gravitate towards us to pour out their life stories, we simply introduce them to Jesus. 

Since He truly is "bigger and grander" than all else, and has the ultimate answers to life's questions, who better to lead people to? 

But, as with Elwood and Harvey, not everyone is willing to acknowledge the existence of what is unseen, and more often than not, they will leave, never to return. However, there are a few, few and far between, who will not only stay, but return for more.

As for those who leave, Elwood says it best. "That's envy, my dear."

Because nothing can come close to Christ's splendor, and to simply rest in Him without worry for the future, is enviable, and something that most people can't achieve on their own. 

So, I vote that we learn a thing or two from Mr. Dowd, and, simply keep introducing people to Jesus. Whether or not they care, whether or not they think we're crazy, whether or not they never come back again. 

There can be no greater task. 

Whether We Are White or Copper Skinned?

I never realized what an anomaly my family was at homeschool conventions or homeschool co-ops until recently we ran into another Indian family at one. The first I have ever met. And they were only looking INTO homeschooling. They weren't even homeschooling yet! 

See, my family is not your typical homeschooling family. We're brown. But more than that, we're Indian. Like, from India. 

And we are still the only Indian homeschool family to date that I know. 

For years I've felt like an outsider at homeschool conventions because I would look around and every single other person was white, with either brown or red hair neatly tucked into a bun, a traditional jean jumper or skirt, and a nicely demure aura, and there I was with my brown skin, long straight black hair hanging loose, jeans, and gauzy shirt. You can imagine the looks I got. 

And here's where it gets personal. 

Race is a very big thing in the homeschool community, I've discovered. Douglas Wilson has been skyrocketed into the spotlight for his classic white supremacist views, and his book excusing slavery in the American South, but before I even read his book I started having problems with a class I was taking at the time: Gileskirk Christendom, based on the beliefs of a certain Dr. George Grant. He portrayed Western Civilization, and, most notably white people, as the "greatest flowering of Christianity", and descrys the rest of the world as pagan, primitive, and ungodly. 

It's as if Christianity equals White. 

When I was 12 and 13 I had a mad crush on a young man who was a personal friend of our family. I thought he was fantastic. I adored him pretty much. But he was a good 7-8 years older than me and never realized my hopeless obsession. Before long I realized that there was no way he would ever fall for me, and I remember my mom telling me that it was hopeless because his mom would decide who he courted, and the girl he married would have to be white. (His mom was just that kind who read all the "white supremacy couched as christian" homeschool literature, and raised her kids on Westerns where white = good and dark = bad).  

After all, good upstanding white Christian homeschooled guys want a "clean" girl. They want someone with white skin and brown hair, who's tall and fair and a poster child for homeschooling. They don't look for shorty curvy brown girls who have way too much passion and poetry in their veins. 

And believe me, I'd read all the books. On how you had to be meek and quiet and not rebel or listen to secular music; and all the books made a white southern lifestyle seem equatable with Christianity. You know, where you didn't go to college, and waited for the perfect Prince Charming. What particularly impacted my view, though, was that the books said that being seductive or sexy was "the sin of Bathsheba" therefore it was considered taboo. 

Now, one considers white skin inherently "seductive" or "exotic", yet those are exactly the stereotypes which come with having copper colored skin. I was convinced that had I only been white, he may have cared for me and it broke my heart and plunged me into extreme self hatred. 

I can remember writing a teary-eyed journal entry begging God to make me white because if I was white, then he would love me. Well, he turned out courting a girl who is just that: white. tall. fair. with brown - blonde hair and who's pretty much perfect. 

And while we all have ideas of what our first heartbreak will be, little did I think that it was my skin color which would break my heart. 

I came across a small homeschool pamphlet on courtship yesterday which listed a number of factions which would disqualify a person as a potential spouse. One of them was entitled "race".  

My eyes filled with tears and I threw the book across the room. 

It's just that mindset which is so contrary to the Word of God which says that in Christ there is neither "Jew nor Greek" and that God is no "respecter of persons", that frustrates me so much. 

Perhaps because I personally have experienced it, and i know firsthand the destructive consequences. 

It has taken me years to see anything beautiful in my skin color. It's still a struggle. There are days I'm ok with it, and days I hate it because it's so.... brown. 

If race is something I have no control over, then what makes a white girl more christian simply because she, through no superiority or fault of her own, was born with less melanin in her skin than me? 

And after years spent with SPF 100, whitening creams, etc. I give up. 

I'm me and that has to be enough. 

But I can one hundred percent assure you that those books aren't helping anything, and that it's stupid to hold one skin color up as "better" than another. Because in the eyes of God we are all equal, no matter, and it's about time the homeschool community discards the religious baloney and heads back to Scripture on this one. 

A Letter to the Director of Divergent :)

Dear Director - of - Divergent - the - Move,

Was it really that difficult to find a semi attractive 18 year old with blue eyes who actually looks like Four?

I mean, at least give the dude blue colored contacts so you don’t have to deal with all the book nerds blowing up your Twitter and Facebook pages.. or am I the only one who would actually do that?

Don’t get me wrong here, Theo James is hot, but Four is 18 not almost 30.

Swap Tris’ and Christina’s heights.

Have Al gain about 100 lbs.

Tris’ Mom has blonde hair, not brown.

Whatever happened to Eric’s long stringy brown hair and way too many facial piercings?

And Jeanine’s “layer of pudge” because I must admit I was rather looking forward to that. It would have been funny. You changed the ending, too, where she was concerned. Tris and Four are supposed to be alone in the control room.

What about Edward’s tragedy and Al’s hopeless crush on Tris and Christina’s love for Will?

Oh and the chocolate cake. How could you have cut out the Dauntless Chocolate Cake?

What happened to Christina’s jealousy of Tris, and the danger in Dauntless initiation? How Peter forgets he is holding a loaded gun and Four taunts Tris to embolden her and the nameless girl who dies jumping off the train. 

Uriah. Where is he? How do you eliminate an entire character like that?

Tris isn’t pretty in the book, and in a way, that’s kind of the point. She’s not pretty but then again, you don’t have to be “pretty” in order to be strong or important or loved. And that is beautiful. 

You missed Four’s impossible charm and the varied sides of him we are shown in the book, all of which you discarded for the sake of … i don’t know.. time?

Because yes, it would have taken far more time, and yet, I think it would have been worth it to stay true to the book. Because those of us who originally fell in love with the book and only came to see the movie because it was based on the book, are now disappointed because it is really nothing like the book.

I mean, while you did stay true to the initial plot line, (kudos by the way, for that..a lot of movies don’t *cough* Narnia *cough*), you misrepresented the characters which in a way is almost worse than changing the plot line altogether!

At least, that’s my way of thinking about it.

<3 Tirzah

A Poem

Hush little baby
Don't you cry
It's just a bad day
Not a bad life
Put down those pills
Drop that knife
You're gonna get through this
You just gotta fight

Hush little baby
Don't you cry
It'll all be okay
Just maybe not tonight
I know it's hard
To live this life
But you'll never win
If you never try

Hush little baby
Don't you cry
I see the pain
You keep inside
But you'll never find
Release from this strife
If you keep on hiding
From the light

Hush little baby
Don't be sad
This world really
Isn't all bad
There's a lot of good
Still left to be had
If you'll only look out
And lift up your head

Hush little baby
Dry your tears
Ignore the pain
Disregard your fears
Look far ahead
To happier years
When all your troubles
Will have disappeared

Hush little baby
Please don't cry
There'll be new tomorrows
And fresh found joys
So reach for your dreams
Hold your head up high
Till you're free at last
And you can fly.

<3 Tirzah

Reviewing the Mike and Debi Pearl Books: To Train Up A Child

Having been raised under some (not all, thank God, but definitely some) of Michael and Debi Pearl's teachings, and having recently heard horror stories of the use or misuse, as the case may be, of these same teachings on child raising, I felt it was time to read the books myself and draw my own conclusions based what I felt to be Biblically accurate. So, I read their iconic book "To Train Up A Child", along with Volume 1 of "No Greater Joy" (another child training book), and am currently working my way through "Created To Be His HelpMeet", a book written by Debi on how to be a godly wife and mother.

And while I would love to believe their motives are not sinister, I was struck by the sinister nature of some of their material.

For instance, who advocates stripping a child and spraying his bare behind with a garden hose in order to potty train him?

Who in their right mind would deliberately trip a small child and cause her to fall into a pond in order to teach her to stay away from it?

Who thinks that spanking on a bare bottom is even remotely acceptable?

Who teaches parents that the height of effective parenting is to break their children's wills the same way a horse's will is broken?

This is not to say that there isn't any good to be gleaned from the books. On the contrary, I discovered quite a few interesting insights. However, there are enough questionable aspects to their methods where one can easily see how it could translate into child abuse.

And I don't know about anyone else, but I for one would rather err on the side of mercy.

<3 Tirzah

"2 Reasons Why My Daughter Will Not Go To College"? Well What About A Bunch of Reasons Why That's Wrong?!

I came across an article today, written by a Father on why he is not planning on sending his (currently 5 year old) daughter to college. It was...interesting to say the least!

2 Reasons Why My Daughter Will Not Go To College

Go read it. I'll wait.

No, seriously. Read it.

Have you finished yet? Good. Let's talk.

While I honestly believe he is trying to do what he thinks is best for his daughter, I question the ideology which would deny a higher education to women.

He starts off with typical princess talk, calling his daughter his little princess. Which is all fine and well. Until we come to his premise for writing this post. He mentions that one day he will be "forced" to give his daughter away, and goes on to say that until her marriage, he and his wife have a responsibility to teach their daughter to be a "good wife and mother"

Excuse my rant, but among the list of things parents ARE to teach their children, teaching daughters to be wives and mothers isn't delineated as the ultimate goal of parenting!! Please show me a verse which says that the most important thing a father can teach his daughter is how to be a good wife and mother. It's not THE most important thing.

Next he moves onto feminism.

"To be honest, I have a deep concern for her because of the feministic culture we live in. Let's face it. Feminism has so influenced American culture that it has infiltrated the Christian culture just as much in more subtle ways. The average Christian woman is not trained from the home, nor encouraged, to find a husband as an alternative to going to college and starting a career. This is sad and unbiblical"

Hold. Flipping. Up. While no one will deny that feminism has had some negative effects, you can't just blame feminism for all the evils of the world. (Or wait, no, it's Marxism which is responsible for all the evils of the world.. but that's a rant for another day). Teaching your daughter to think and form ideas and yes even a worldview independent of you is NOT bad parenting. It is parenting done RIGHT! After all, who wants little clones running around? Oh, and since when was finding a husband the end-all-be-all of Christian womanhood? Last time I checked, following, honoring, and serving GOD was!

He goes on to talk about how women are the helpers of men and supposed to stay at home and never be independent of men, stating:

"Is it wrong to expect women to keep in step with the cultural, not Biblical, mandate"

In case he didn't know...he's advocating a cultural mandate, not a Biblical one. Cause, the CULTURAL mandate of Bible times demanded women to stay at home. Greek women had no freedom outside of the home whatsoever, and Jewish women could be divorced by their husbands for speaking to another man. Just because something was practiced in Bible times does NOT make it the Biblical mandate for all Christians. Polygamy, child marriage, prostitution, stoning, and having concubines were all practiced in the Bible, yet that doesn't mean God specifically order them. Or even approves for that matter.

"A woman was created to fill the role of a helper and a companion specifically to a husband"

Mhmm..and that word for helper, every other time it is used in Scripture, is referring to God, FYI. Helper does not mean that woman is a slave to man's every whim. It means she comes alongside him, encourages him, and supports him the way God "helps" those who trust in Him.

"Young Christian women are indeed pursuing the same things as unbelieving women - independence from a man. Eve acted outside the authority and protection of Adam, and, well, you know where that led to"

Oh. No. You. Did. Not. First off, where in the Bible are we taught that independence is sinful? If it was wrong to be independent then what's the use of freedom? Why did God create us individuals and not clones? To be independent of GOD is indeed against the Word of God. But all men are not the authority for all women. Secondly, which version of the Bible are YOU reading, cause nowhere in mine does it say that Eve went outside of Adam's authority in eating the fruit. In fact, the verse says "And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat" (Genesis 3:6 emphasis mine). Did I miss a Genesis 3:5b which says "And Adam told Eve not to eat the fruit, but she despised his authority and ate it anyways"?? I don't think so!

"My daughter won't go to college...If I can't afford it"

I'm all for debt free if possible. But, the solution to that is NOT to limit your daughter's education. Its' to teach her well, let her get a job so she can help fund her college, and encourage her to apply for scholarships!

"The question then leads to this: What is she supposed to do if she doesn't go to college until she finds a husband?"

...Wait around at home perfecting her makeup and housewifery skills while waiting for Prince Charming to show up, of course!

"What if she never marries? What if she wants to be single?"

Well then clearly she is not living in accordance with the imaginary Biblical mandate that every woman must marry or she is sinning. Duh, people!

"Until the feminist movement, women employed their gifts, talents, and God-given abilities to benefit the home while being under the care, protection, and tutelage of her parents"

Do you have evidence to support that this is Biblically mandated, and not just another cultural thing? Oh, and once again, blame feminism, right?

He wraps up by saying that

"The job of being a wife and mother is a high calling, and I would argue that it is the most important job under the sun...The Bible reveals that it is God's will for women to get married, raise Godly children, and keep the house"

Well then. I guess Amy Carmichael, Mary Slessor, Mary (Lazarus' Sister),  Charlotte Moon, Gladys Aylward, Maude Cary,Betsy Stockton, Florence Nightingale, and others weren't acting in accordance with God's will?

I'll leave you to ponder that

<3 Tirzah