{while i'm waiting}

sometimes you face a moment and you truly do not know where the hell you go from here. 

you come to a place - usually surrender - and after the surrender, there is the letting go. there is the peace. 

there is also a profound sense, sometimes, of 'what the hell now?' 'what do i do with my life?' 

the feeling of freedom is beautiful, but there is also 'what comes next? you've been freed. do you know how hard it is to lead?...do you have a clue what happens now?'

'long is the road and hard that out of hell leads up toward light', but what happens when the chains have lifted and now i...drift...in this unexpected freedom? it is the overwhelming sense of release, and yet, at the same time, terrifying uncertainty

and for the girl who almost always knows exactly when and where He wants her, this has been...different...very very different.

this peace which leads to action yet waiting on God. 

a sudden realization that my entire life plan has disappeared, that the one thing I swore I would never do as a career (namely, wear pencil skirts and work in politics) is exactly where i have ended up, and the one thing i knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that i would be, wanted to be (namely, a counselor) i am not sure if I will ever be

there is a concept i read, a phrase which i have never quite been able to shake

when you are waiting on God... when you reach a point of 'what now? what next?'

'hustle while you wait' 

courtesy of Thomas Edison, but i first read it in a small red hardback entitled 'do hard things'.

'hustle while you wait'

'everything comes to him who hustles while he waits'

at first glance that may seem like an oxymoron. 

it is not. 

in the waiting, there is the changing. 

in the waiting, there is the worship. 

in the waiting, there is the work. 

in the waiting, there is the hope. 

but....

'hope...does not consist in crossing one's arms and waiting. as long as i fight, i am moved by hope; and if i fight with hope, then i can wait' (Paulo Friere)

if your wheels are already in motion, it is easier for Him to take and to guide you. 

there is less jumpstarting, less sudden jolts. more learning to walk with Him. more realizing that it is not on me to change myself. 

it is on me to ask Him to teach me to lean on Him, teach me to love Him, to become more like Him. and as He makes me more like Him, He will change what needs changing, and everything else will fall into place.

and you can 'smile in the face of trivial things, and you learn to pray when you wanna complain. stand up straight when the earth is shaking, and just keep breathing when you feel afraid.. there's a time for laughter, and a time for pain, a time for doubt, and a time for faith, but when you believe you can find the strength to get back up on your feet' 

but in the meantime.... in the slow waiting working changing... 

hustle while you wait. 

do the work of God where He has placed you. 

do the next right thing. 

one step at a time. 

and if you are already walking, already moving, He will teach and instruct and guide. 

it is just that simple. 

it's not easy. 

it's never easy. 

but it is simple. 

'the steps of man are established by the Lord when he delights in His way' (Ps 37:23)

'commit your work to the Lord and your plans will be established' (Prov. 16:3)

'delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart' (Ps. 37:4)

wait and work and watch and pray, and the eagles wings will grow by feather and by faith and you will soar in His strength, on His strong arms.