(dance... devil)

​I have a confession to make.

Suicide Squad hits theaters this weekend and I will not be among the hundreds of movie-goers sweltering in lines for their first peek at the latest DC franchise.

it's very simple. the main reason I will not be supporting the movie with my money is the main reason most people I've talked to are looking forward to the movie...otherwise known as Harley Quinn and the Joker.

Why, you ask?

Well see, I kind of have this thing where I'd rather not give my money to perpetuate stories about abusive psychopaths preying on the women who love them.

Now, before you jump on my case, vehemently protesting that 'it's just fiction! everyone recognizes that, and no one actually thinks their relationship is goals!', do us both a favor and look up 'Joker and Harley memes'.

Still don't believe me? here. take a look at some of the results.

um...excuse me...perhaps i didn't catch that....the JOKER and HARLEY as relationship goals? the only way those two ought to go together in a sentence is as relationship goals of what to be avoided at all costs. 

.....I don't care who you are, if the man you love backhands you across the face, then he doesn't love you. This isn't romance. This is abuse. 

..okay, this actually makes me sick....I could go on citing examples... but at this point it would just nauseate me further, and I think you get my drift. At least, I hope so. 

And my goal here is not to condemn anyone who watches Suicide Squad. But the difficulty with portraying relationships like Harley and the Joker's as a love story, is that it teaches young people that dysfunctional abusive relationships are love.

See, somehow we are being taught as a society, through media and books, that "screw Romeo and Juliet...the true love stories are the Joker and Harley...Christine and the Phantom....Gideon and Ana....Bella and Edward", which simultaneously breaks my heart and terrifies me. 

Have we become blind to the point of failing to recognize abuse when it's staring us right in the face? Or, even worse, justifying it under the banner of love? 

After all, Harley's famous quote?: 'He's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me...really!'.....How can we not see the enormous damage that this phrase, with its justification of abuse, does to women in abusive relationships? I can't count the number of times I've heard abuse rationalized with that phrase, or some variation of it.. I can't count the number of times I've rationalized abuse with that phrase, or some variation of it.

'he really isn't all that bad' / 'he loves me, he just has anger issues'.

'that's just the way he is..he's been hurt in the past, so it isn't really his fault he's the way he is. it's the fault of those who have hurt him'.

But no. love and dysfunction aren't equivalent. If you truly love someone, you will want what is best for them. You will want what is good and right and true and healthy to be in their lives. You do not manipulate the ones you love. You do not abuse them. And you never ever ever hit the woman you claim you love.

Love is not abuse. Love is not controlling and manipulative and distrustful. Love is not destructive. Love will not beat you and leave you in a corner. Love is not perverted. Love is not a backhand across the face while he's drunk or death threats in a fit of rage. 

True love is patient. True love is kind. True love does not envy or boast. It isn't arrogant or or rude or willful. True love isn't resentful. It doesn't fly off the handle at the slightest provocation. True love is hopeful, faithful, enduring, steady. True love builds up. It restores what is broken and heals the wounds of the heart. It does not create further scars.

True love is not abuse. True love is never abuse. It is not psychopathic devilry disguised as intense and damaged and a bit overbearing. And while it looks alluring in movies - painted as romantic, passionate, and exciting - every time you say that you want what the Joker and Harley have, this is what you're really saying you want:

You're saying you want blood and bruises and cuts and scars. You're saying you want to be backhanded across the face for any minor infractions. You're saying you want to be tied up and beaten, chained and left hanging in the basement for hours on end. You're saying you want to walk on eggshells all the time, to be terrified to cross him or make him mad. You're saying you want physical, mental, sexual, emotional, and verbal abuse. You're saying you want slavery. You're saying you want pain and humiliation....you're saying you want death.

And trust me. you do not want a relationship like they have.

Because in real life, women like Harley and Ana and Bella and Christine don't end up Happily Ever After. The end of abuse is not romance or marriage or love or happiness or health. The end of those relationships is a woman lying dead in a puddle of blood on the floor because her lover got out of hand one too many times, and she fell final victim to his cruelty. That is the dark side of our obsession with the romanticization of abusive relationships. That is what we are asking for when we romanticize relationships like Harley & the Joker or Ana & Christian or Bella & Edward.

Now obviously I shan't shun you for going to see Suicide Squad, but just remember, when your beloved daughter comes home from college with a controlling boyfriend and new bruises only to refuse to listen to your concern because 'I really love him!', or you have to watch as your daughter-in-law slowly fades away before your very eyes and you are too afraid of your son to venture recriminations, it's because we as a society teach them no better. It is because we support media which romanticizes abusive relationships, depicting them in glowing exciting terms.

And it's time to to stop. It's time to call a halt, to take a stand, to say no. 

A dance with the devil, no matter how charming initially, is living hell, ultimately resulting in a death sentence. It is not life you teach every time you hold this up as an ideal - every time you show the movie industry that romanticizing abuse makes good money. It is not life. And it is never, ever, ever love. 

A dance with the devil is death. And I opt out.