On Forgetting Eurekas

Maybe it's just me, but I have a hard time remembering the resolutions I make, or, what I call 'eureka moments'...(those of you who know anything about the myth of Archimedes will know what I'm talking about).

For instance, I can determine that I won't give up, but then a month or so later, when life gets a bit harder, I'll completely forget that I ever said that! 

It's almost comical sometimes the way I will remember an obscure comment someone made years and years ago, and yet, when it comes to serious goals involving my life, I'll totally forget what a friend calls my "aha moments". 

Well, I think it ends up happening for three main reasons. I'm sure there are more, but these are just all I can think of at this point in time :) 

1. I don't want others to see because of what they assume if and when they see encouraging quotes around my room. 

Not only do I share a room with my sister, but, reminders not to give up splashed all over my walls tend to prompt questions about my mental state - and I would much rather do without those. 

'So....you have 'never give up' on your wall....am I supposed to be worried?'

'Um...no.'

'Are you sure? Because...if you're cutting yourself, we need to know'

'I'm positive!'

'Then why do you have that on your wall if you're doing well?'

'....a reminder?'

*suspicious glare*

...yeah....

2. I never write them down. Like. Never. 

Most of my aha conversations take place either while I'm rushing out the door, late at night - and I mean, past midnight late - or while otherwise occupied. And by the time I finally get around to my journal, I've other more important things to mention.

'Dear Diary,... mom said no to shorts.....I'm tired.... hate finals week....he thinks he likes me.....nerf war with the siblings....'

You get the drift. 

3. Perhaps most accurately, though, I' ashamed I need the reminders as much as I do. 

Nothing makes me wish to curl up in a corner faster than the thought that I'm damaged, incomplete, or broken. 

I hate it so much. When I was initially diagnosed with depression, I screamed inwardly for days, and was convinced I was irreparably damaged. I'm not even sure that I don't still believe that deep down. 

Therefore, I hate any sort of reminder that I'm not normal.... If I bring up my depression, fine. If you bring it up in order to solve it? No. 

Now, to be clear, I don't think this is necessarily a good habit of mine.. it's one I'm slowly trying to break.. for instance, I did receive a gorgeous hand lettered quote by Winston Churchill on never giving up.... and bought a bracelet with the same quote hand stamped on it... but I could get better at reminding myself that life is worth living.

Therefore.

Any suggestions? :)