The Lessons They'll Never Admit You Learn From High School

As high school draws to a close, I must admit, the thought has crossed my mind more than once,"What exactly have I learned from it?"

I know what they wished me to learn, of course, and what they desire me come away with. It's a worldview liberally sprinkled with conservatism and dominionism and reconstructionism and all the philosophies of a man named George Grant on Western Civilization's embodiment of Christianity.

But, in reality, that's not what I learned.

Don't mistake me.

I learned a lot.

But what I'm taking away from high school isn't history dates and dead people and artists who sculpt nudes and writers who can write beautiful poetry because they left their wives.

Was it C. S. Lewis who called experience "the most brutal of teachers, but you learn, my God, do you learn"? And believe me, I've learned.

I've learned men are not trustworthy, and will claim to love you only as long as you do what they wish you to, and once you are no longer useful to them, will dump you like a used rag.

I've learned that even though he claims that he's a Christian, that doesn't mean he won't lie to you, hurt you, manipulate you, betray you, discard you, and break your trust along with your heart.

I've learned that my definition of 'Christlike' is very different from the one held by most of Christendom.

I've learned that when teachers ask for your opinion, they don't really wish to hear your opinion. They merely wish to hear their opinion restated in your words.

I've learned that friends are not forever - no matter how many times they swear they'll never leave.

I've learned that when someone asks how you are, they want to hear you talk about school and homework and how you can't wait for summer, not that you're sad and heartbroken and aren't sure you wish to live anymore.

I've learned that crying yourself to sleep every night is perfectly normal, but you just can't admit it, otherwise, you're dramatic, attention seeking, and weak.

I've learned that music and blades will always be there for you, and those who promise to always be there for you are spinning a web of lovely lies in order to comfort themselves.

I've learned that depth frightens people, and shallow uniform girls that worry about nothing beyond whether or not they look cute is what I must be if I want him to notice me.

I've learned that people get more worked up over whether or not you have a date to Prom, than whether or not you're alive.

I've learned that long sleeves, makeup, and a smile can cover anything.

I've learned that love is pointless, painful, overrated, and absolutely nothing like the movies. If your parents say no, he's not going to come back. Your first kiss will not be fireworks and flying sparks, you won't have someone fall really and truly in love with you, and you most definitely will not find your soulmate unless you're one of a very few very lucky.

I've learned that whoever painted the teenage years as a vision of cut - off jeans, summer love, happiness, carefree days and nights, and friendships that last was either drunk, crazy, or dreaming.

I've learned that Romeo and Juliet is not romance, that in fact, true romance doesn't exist, that no matter how much you love him, he won't even remember your name five years from now, much less the way you adored him.

I've learned that the pretty and popular girls are just as empty inside as the ones who are neither, and that they aren't above slitting their wrists or drowning their sorrows in alcohol.

I've learned that skinny and perfect is all that matters to high school boys, and there is no room in their minds for lonely girls with wide eyes the color of heartbreak.

I've learned that the books are liars, because sadness is never beautiful, and no one will kiss your scars but you.

I've learned that dances aren't places where you laugh and are free and meet a gorgeous stranger who rocks your world. Rather, they are awkward, and strange, and you will spent most of your time standing around watching him dance with her and wishing it was you instead.

I've learned that destroying yourself is sometimes the only way to rebuild yourself, and if you've never been broken, you'll never learn.

I've learned that coffee and lipstick are the ultimate cure-alls, and no matter how late you were up crying last night, after coffee and lipstick, no one ever has to know.

I've learned that whether or not mothers think their sons may be distracted by the sight of your skin/shape/shoulders/straps is more important than whether or not you get an education without being shamed for something you, oftentimes, have no control over.

I've learned that parents aren't perfect, and if we're honest, they're sometimes just about as messed up as we are, they just don't always like admitting it.

I've learned that there is no foolproof method to go about childraising, schooling, relationships, and that man-made formulas are often the source, not the averters, of disaster.

I've learned that it is far more important to have a few real friends, even if they live across the country from you, than to have hundreds of gossip - mongers posing as friends, sharpening their knives to plunge them into your vulnerablity.

I've learned that suicide is not cowardice. Not now, not ever.

I've learned that sex is oftentimes no more than a commodity, cheaply bartered for yet another bottle of beer, and that despite drinking laws, teenagers regularly operate under the misconception that they are immune to any and all punishment for their actions.

I've learned that heartbreak is life, women and men are not equal, and everyone has their own cookie cutter mold which you must fit into in order to deserve their love

And I've learned more....oh, ever so much,

But most importantly, to quote Robert Frost,

I've learned that "life...goes...on".

It always has, and always shall, and each morning dawns anew, and I am strong, and I am alone, and if I can survive high school, there is very little which I cannot survive.

<3 Tirzah