On Idols

"The answer came to him slowly, with the changing of the seasons.
You shall have no other Gods before me.That couldn't be right.
Michael's anger grew. 'When have I worshipped anyone but You?'
He raged again, 'I've followed you all my life. I've never put anyone before you'. Hands fisted, he wept. 'I love her, but I've never made her my god.'
In the calm that followed his angry torrent of words, Michael heard - and finally understood. 
You became hers."

"She thought she had been saved by his love for her, and in part she had been. It had cleansed her, never casting blame. But that had been only the beginning. It was loving him in return that had brought her out of the darkness"
- Francine Rivers (Redeeming Love)

I read somewhere that the best kind of books aren't the ones that you merely read, the best kind of books are the ones that read you. And it's true.

Because thanks to this crazy book which I've been wanting to read for years but only finally read now - now that I understand it, now that I've lived it - funny how God works, huh? - I was brought face to face with the painful realities of my own soul.

See, when you've been there, when you've been Gomer, and God grabs a Hosea to bring you home, it's not as easy as you might think to remember who actually saved you. You end up crediting it to Hosea, and while you sort of realize that it was God, it hasn't really sunk in yet.

You look at him and you see 'the man who saved me', 'the one who was different', 'nothing like anyone I've ever known', 'the only person who never gave up on me', and fail to recognize that his love that saved you wasn't the end at all... it was merely the beginning. The doorway, if you will, to all the love God has for you.

Because if you just leave it there, as the end, then you grow dangerously close to substituting him for God. And, while reading (and, incidentally, sobbing my eyes out), I realize that I've unwittingly done just that.

Over the past weeks and months since camp, I've slowly but surely supplanted God in my mind, setting him up instead. Not deliberately. Not even consciously. I didn't realize it until this book made it painfully clear just what was happening without even my awareness.

Because anyone I go to before God, anyone I seek counsel from before I've sought it from God - no matter how wise and God fearing they might be - is an idol. Anything or anyone which comes first in my life, anything or anyone I depend on more than I depend on God is an idol.

And I had accidentally done just that. Because, after all, when someone saves your life, it's so easy to pass idolatry off as just 'gratitude' or 'well sure I adore him, but I have good reason'. And there's nothing wrong with a deep bond, but there is something very wrong when I go to him (or anyone else for that matter) for counsel and advice before consulting God on the matter.

"She thought she had been saved by his love for her, and in part she had been"...but, see, that's not all. Because in reality, every time he loved me and kept on loving me even when I was being awful, it wasn't really him loving me. It was God loving me through him.

It was all God all along.

And I thought I understood that, but apparently not, since now I finally see why he refused to take credit for saving my life. Because, really, God saved my life. He was just the tool God used. Just as Hosea was the tool God used. Just as any of us are ever the tools God uses - the vessels of His love.

And it isn't in loving him in return that I am free from the darkness. My freedom comes when I realize and start living on the truth that it was God all along. It was God who's been calling me to himself, it was God who used him to save me, it was God who showed me His heart through him, and who orchestrated it all.

Because it wasn't really loving him back that will bring you back from the darkness. It's when you see how much God loves you, and love Him back.

And I finally get what I should have gotten all along - that being saved by someone's love isn't the end. It can't be the end, because if it is, it sours and turns into an idol. It has to be a pathway to something bigger, something more. Something God.

It's supposed to be a reflection of God - when you look at the selfless love of a friend and see something greater, see the heart of God for you and it brings you closer to Him. It isn't supposed to be an end in and of itself, since his love was never really his love, it was His love through him.

And I finally get it, I finally understand. And it's beautiful, and it finally feels free.

"Love the Lord your God and love one another. Love one another as He loves...That's the way back to Eden, that's the way back to life". 

Love. God's love. Shown through us, but His nonetheless.

Always, only, first, and forever, His.