Was it really that difficult to find a semi attractive 18 year old with blue eyes who actually looks like Four?
I mean, at least give the dude blue colored contacts so you don’t have to deal with all the book nerds blowing up your Twitter and Facebook pages.. or am I the only one who would actually do that?
Don’t get me wrong here, Theo James is hot, but Four is 18 not almost 30.
Swap Tris’ and Christina’s heights.
Have Al gain about 100 lbs.
Tris’ Mom has blonde hair, not brown.
Whatever happened to Eric’s long stringy brown hair and way too many facial piercings?
And Jeanine’s “layer of pudge” because I must admit I was rather looking forward to that. It would have been funny. You changed the ending, too, where she was concerned. Tris and Four are supposed to be alone in the control room.
What about Edward’s tragedy and Al’s hopeless crush on Tris and Christina’s love for Will?
Oh and the chocolate cake. How could you have cut out the Dauntless Chocolate Cake?
What happened to Christina’s jealousy of Tris, and the danger in Dauntless initiation? How Peter forgets he is holding a loaded gun and Four taunts Tris to embolden her and the nameless girl who dies jumping off the train.
Uriah. Where is he? How do you eliminate an entire character like that?
Tris isn’t pretty in the book, and in a way, that’s kind of the point. She’s not pretty but then again, you don’t have to be “pretty” in order to be strong or important or loved. And that is beautiful.
You missed Four’s impossible charm and the varied sides of him we are shown in the book, all of which you discarded for the sake of … i don’t know.. time?
Because yes, it would have taken far more time, and yet, I think it would have been worth it to stay true to the book. Because those of us who originally fell in love with the book and only came to see the movie because it was based on the book, are now disappointed because it is really nothing like the book.
I mean, while you did stay true to the initial plot line, (kudos by the way, for that..a lot of movies don’t *cough* Narnia *cough*), you misrepresented the characters which in a way is almost worse than changing the plot line altogether!
Hush little baby Don't you cry It's just a bad day Not a bad life Put down those pills Drop that knife You're gonna get through this You just gotta fight
Hush little baby Don't you cry It'll all be okay Just maybe not tonight I know it's hard To live this life But you'll never win If you never try
Hush little baby Don't you cry I see the pain You keep inside But you'll never find Release from this strife If you keep on hiding From the light
Hush little baby Don't be sad This world really Isn't all bad There's a lot of good Still left to be had If you'll only look out And lift up your head
Hush little baby Dry your tears Ignore the pain Disregard your fears Look far ahead To happier years When all your troubles Will have disappeared
Hush little baby Please don't cry There'll be new tomorrows And fresh found joys So reach for your dreams Hold your head up high Till you're free at last And you can fly. <3 Tirzah
Having been raised under some (not all, thank God, but definitely some) of Michael and Debi Pearl's teachings, and having recently heard horror stories of the use or misuse, as the case may be, of these same teachings on child raising, I felt it was time to read the books myself and draw my own conclusions based what I felt to be Biblically accurate. So, I read their iconic book "To Train Up A Child", along with Volume 1 of "No Greater Joy" (another child training book), and am currently working my way through "Created To Be His HelpMeet", a book written by Debi on how to be a godly wife and mother.
And while I would love to believe their motives are not sinister, I was struck by the sinister nature of some of their material.
For instance, who advocates stripping a child and spraying his bare behind with a garden hose in order to potty train him?
Who in their right mind would deliberately trip a small child and cause her to fall into a pond in order to teach her to stay away from it?
Who thinks that spanking on a bare bottom is even remotely acceptable?
Who teaches parents that the height of effective parenting is to break their children's wills the same way a horse's will is broken?
This is not to say that there isn't any good to be gleaned from the books. On the contrary, I discovered quite a few interesting insights. However, there are enough questionable aspects to their methods where one can easily see how it could translate into child abuse.
And I don't know about anyone else, but I for one would rather err on the side of mercy.
I came across an article today, written by a Father on why he is not planning on sending his (currently 5 year old) daughter to college. It was...interesting to say the least!
While I honestly believe he is trying to do what he thinks is best for his daughter, I question the ideology which would deny a higher education to women.
He starts off with typical princess talk, calling his daughter his little princess. Which is all fine and well. Until we come to his premise for writing this post. He mentions that one day he will be "forced" to give his daughter away, and goes on to say that until her marriage, he and his wife have a responsibility to teach their daughter to be a "good wife and mother"
Excuse my rant, but among the list of things parents ARE to teach their children, teaching daughters to be wives and mothers isn't delineated as the ultimate goal of parenting!! Please show me a verse which says that the most important thing a father can teach his daughter is how to be a good wife and mother. It's not THE most important thing.
Next he moves onto feminism.
"To be honest, I have a deep concern for her because of the feministic culture we live in. Let's face it. Feminism has so influenced American culture that it has infiltrated the Christian culture just as much in more subtle ways. The average Christian woman is not trained from the home, nor encouraged, to find a husband as an alternative to going to college and starting a career. This is sad and unbiblical"
Hold. Flipping. Up. While no one will deny that feminism has had some negative effects, you can't just blame feminism for all the evils of the world. (Or wait, no, it's Marxism which is responsible for all the evils of the world.. but that's a rant for another day). Teaching your daughter to think and form ideas and yes even a worldview independent of you is NOT bad parenting. It is parenting done RIGHT! After all, who wants little clones running around? Oh, and since when was finding a husband the end-all-be-all of Christian womanhood? Last time I checked, following, honoring, and serving GOD was!
He goes on to talk about how women are the helpers of men and supposed to stay at home and never be independent of men, stating:
"Is it wrong to expect women to keep in step with the cultural, not Biblical, mandate"
In case he didn't know...he's advocating a cultural mandate, not a Biblical one. Cause, the CULTURAL mandate of Bible times demanded women to stay at home. Greek women had no freedom outside of the home whatsoever, and Jewish women could be divorced by their husbands for speaking to another man. Just because something was practiced in Bible times does NOT make it the Biblical mandate for all Christians. Polygamy, child marriage, prostitution, stoning, and having concubines were all practiced in the Bible, yet that doesn't mean God specifically order them. Or even approves for that matter.
"A woman was created to fill the role of a helper and a companion specifically to a husband"
Mhmm..and that word for helper, every other time it is used in Scripture, is referring to God, FYI. Helper does not mean that woman is a slave to man's every whim. It means she comes alongside him, encourages him, and supports him the way God "helps" those who trust in Him.
"Young Christian women are indeed pursuing the same things as unbelieving women - independence from a man. Eve acted outside the authority and protection of Adam, and, well, you know where that led to"
Oh. No. You. Did. Not. First off, where in the Bible are we taught that independence is sinful? If it was wrong to be independent then what's the use of freedom? Why did God create us individuals and not clones? To be independent of GOD is indeed against the Word of God. But all men are not the authority for all women. Secondly, which version of the Bible are YOU reading, cause nowhere in mine does it say that Eve went outside of Adam's authority in eating the fruit. In fact, the verse says "And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat" (Genesis 3:6 emphasis mine). Did I miss a Genesis 3:5b which says "And Adam told Eve not to eat the fruit, but she despised his authority and ate it anyways"?? I don't think so!
"My daughter won't go to college...If I can't afford it"
I'm all for debt free if possible. But, the solution to that is NOT to limit your daughter's education. Its' to teach her well, let her get a job so she can help fund her college, and encourage her to apply for scholarships!
"The question then leads to this: What is she supposed to do if she doesn't go to college until she finds a husband?"
...Wait around at home perfecting her makeup and housewifery skills while waiting for Prince Charming to show up, of course!
"What if she never marries? What if she wants to be single?"
Well then clearly she is not living in accordance with the imaginary Biblical mandate that every woman must marry or she is sinning. Duh, people!
"Until the feminist movement, women employed their gifts, talents, and God-given abilities to benefit the home while being under the care, protection, and tutelage of her parents"
Do you have evidence to support that this is Biblically mandated, and not just another cultural thing? Oh, and once again, blame feminism, right?
He wraps up by saying that
"The job of being a wife and mother is a high calling, and I would argue that it is the most important job under the sun...The Bible reveals that it is God's will for women to get married, raise Godly children, and keep the house"
Well then. I guess Amy Carmichael, Mary Slessor, Mary (Lazarus' Sister), Charlotte Moon, Gladys Aylward, Maude Cary,Betsy Stockton, Florence Nightingale, and others weren't acting in accordance with God's will?
Chances are, if you grew up under the Christian purity movement, you have some notion of the idea of "emotional purity". This is the mindset that emotional attachment to a person of the opposite gender is inherently impure, evil, and to be suppressed, since your duty is to "guard your heart". However, looking back on the literature and ideology of the Emotional Purity Movement, I've realized it had far greater repercussions on the way I viewed myself and any interaction with guys than I had initially realized. So, here's a list for you of the take home messages I received from "emotional purity" and why I now disagree with these messages and ideas. And while experiences differ, I hope someone at least can relate :)
1. "Guarding your heart" (ie. stifiling any romantic attraction, emotion, or impulse until your marriage) is the single most important thing (besides staying a virgin) that you can do to ensure a fulfilling marriage.
WRONG! Seeking to love, serve, and honor GOD is the single most important thing you can do to ensure a blessed marriage...imo at least.
2. If you fail to save every single "first" for your future spouse, you are damaged goods
Umm...The most damaging thing is believing you are damaged goods! You are worth ever so much more than whether or not you've ever held hands with a guy. 3. Don't smile at a guy, look at a guy, or talk to a guy because it could be misinterpreted as flirtation
This one makes me so angry. Deliberate flirtation is one thing, but if you smile innocently at a friend and they interpret it as flirtation, the onus is on THEM not on YOU! 4. Deep platonic friendships with the opposite gender are impossible. In fact, deep platonic relationships with the opposite gender are in direct opposition to emotional purity.
Can I just say that from personal experience, it is completely possible to have close friendships with guys and not have any romantic attachment to them at all! Friendships teach you how to freaking relate to the opposite gender in a healthy way! 5. Romantic attraction is a failure to properly guard your heart
I'm sorry, but romantic attraction is not something you can control per se. The heart does as it wills. You have a choice of how you react to the attraction but you cannot control who you are initially attracted to. 6. Crushes are the result of a failure to guard your heart
I really wish this movement would stop considering crushes as a sin and instead teach young people how to deal with them in a God glorifying way. Nowhere in the Bible does it say crushes are a sin btw. They're normal parts of growing up. If a crush becomes an idol it's not a crush anymore. 7. Flirting is one of the biggest sins a woman can commit
Please, define flirting for me. Because the way the movement teaches it, any interaction with the opposite gender can count as flirting. 8. Each time you date/fall in love, you give away an irreplaceable part of your heart.
...So this means that the more you love, the less capable you are of love?? Imo it's the other way around! The less you love, the less you can love. 9. The part of your heart reserved for your future spouse shrinks with each piece of your heart that you "give away".
Can you show me where in the Bible it says this? Only God should have your whole heart anyway while we're at it! This is the same logic as saying that your youngest child will have the smallest part of your heart because you've given away pieces of your heart to your other kids.. How does this make sense?! 10. The Bible commands emotional purity. "Guard your heart with all diligence"
Go look at the context. Go. (It's Proverbs 4:23) Look at the context. Note that nowhere does it say "Do not ever fall in love"! 11. Your heart is evil, incapable of good, and the source of all evil.
(Jeremiah 17:9) Umm...yeah, and later in Jeremiah it ALSO says that God promises to take out our old heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh so we can follow and serve Him wholeheartedly. 12. Becoming emotionally attached to a man that you are not in a parent-permitted courtship with is sinful
Again, where in the Bible is this?! 13. Falling in love? There's no such thing. Emotional love is wrong and unbiblical
*raises eyebrow* "And Jacob loved Rachel...." 14. Your job is to keep yourself pure so that you may give your husband the "greatest gift": You, untouched emotionally or physically by any other.
The greatest gift you can give your future spouse is to be someone who pursues Jesus whole heartedly. NOT someone who is proud and judgmental because they are "pure". 15. Your future spouse will be glad you reserved your whole heart, soul, and emotions for him and fully appreciate all the sacrifices you made.
There is no guaranteeing this. At all. 16. If you keep your emotional virginity intact (and yes, emotional virginity IS a thing), then you will experience greater marital trust and success
Communication, communication, and more communication is the key to trust. Communication, honesty, and transparency matter way more than whether or not you've ever liked a guy. 17. Women are emotionally wired, therefore it is impossible for a woman to NOT become emotionally attached to a man she is close to
I am quite sure this idea was invented by either men who led women on OR dreamy out-of-touch-with-reality girls who see every man as potential marriage material. It is simply untrue. 18. Trusting a male enough to (*gasp*) have an honest, soul-deep conversation with him is bad. very bad. In fact, it's emotional adultery against your future husband.
Shaming women again? What's new... Remember, Jesus was friends with Mary and Martha, y'all. Plus, this idea only works if you buy into the idea that all unmarried men and women belong to their future spouse (who may or may not exist!) 19. Girls only have sex with guys that they have given themselves to emotionally.
So all those one-night stands? Those aren't sex? 20. You CAN be emotionally pure, and if you aren't, then you just need to read the scriptures more, pray more, and find an accountability partner
And what if, despite all your best efforts, you STILL "miss the mark"? Are you now damaged goods? Basically... 21. You are a princess and your husband will be a valiant prince who will claim your heart and hand as he sweeps you off your feet into the sunset. However, this can only happen if you remain completely pure.
Yeahh...about that...we live in a fallen world, remember? Fairy tales are not reality. If you fail to live up to an impossible standard of emotional purity, it doesn't mean you will have a ruined life! 22. Your emotions are always capable of being controlled.
No, they're really not. And there's nothing shameful about that. Even Jesus showed emotion for crying out loud (pun intended). 23. Emotional Purity will prevent heartache, heartbreak, and pain.
Try selling that line to the people who have been "emotionally pure" all their lives and now have no idea how to interact healthily with the opposite gender, open up, be vulnerable, and be transparent because they've been taught to suppress all emotion. 24. Hugging leads to emotional impurity because it is impossible to hug someone of the opposite gender (outside of your family) without being attracted to them.
Yeah, not all men are sex-crazed lunatic beasts, thank ye very much! 25. Emotional purity + Biblical courtship = Godly, Blessed Marriage
I firmly believe there is no one formula for a blessed marriage. Because I've seen people who've courted and are now miserable in their marriage. And I've seen love marriages which are some of the happiest marriages.
Honoring God in all you do, think, say, and in every relationship you enter will avail you much more in the long run than holding yourself to an impossible standard and shaming yourself over failure to adhere to it.
I'm a self styled music junkie, and not in the least ashamed of it!
However, purely in the interest of fun, I'm planning on compiling a weekly list of at least 10 songs on a particular topic.
It's my own version of "Music Mondays", I guess ;) Can't promise I'll stay on top of it, but I'll at least try!!
This week the topic is Modesty/Purity Culture, IBLP, Christian Patriarchy, Stay At Home Daughtership, and my response and reaction to what's wrong with those ideologies.
1. La La La by Naughty Boy and Sam Smith
I came across this by accident today and was struck by how perfect some of the lyrics are. For instance:
I can't find your silver lining
I don't mean to judge
But when you read your speech it's tiring
Enough is enough
and
I hate it when you hiss and preach
About your new messiah cause your theories catch fire
When our worlds collide
Gonna drown you out before I lose my mind
... all far too true.
2. Dollhouse by Priscilla Renea
This is far too accurate. In every single way.
You called the shots
Right down to my shoes
I liked what you liked
Cause you told me to
...personal experience with this....trust me, it kills.
I tried to be a picture perfect girl
But you were in your own fantasy world
Tryna control me like some kinda barbie
But that just ain't me!
She's right. We're real people, not dolls in a dollhouse.
3. Mean by Taylor Swift
While this doesn't specifically talk about controlling your kids, the general gist is the same.
You, with your words like knives
And weapons that you use against me
The solution is to...
4. Shake it Off by Taylor Swift
A friend sent this to me a few weeks ago, and quite frankly, Taylor Swift's right on this one. If you internalize everything people say about your imperfections or where you fall short, it's gonna destroy you. You just gotta "shake it off".
5. Mother Knows Best from Tangled
Yes, I realize this is from a Disney movie, and that most authority is depicted negatively in Disney, BUT some of the lyrics brought back painful memories of spiritual and emotional guilt tripping..
You know why we stay up in this tower? That's right, to keep you safe and sound, dear
Sorry to break it to ya, but oversheltering kids isn't where it's at
Me, I'm just your mother, what do I know? I only bathed and changed and nursed you
Go ahead and leave me here, I deserve it
Let me die alone, here, be my guest
When it's too late, just wait, you'll see
Mother knows best
..and that, my friends, is emotional manipulation of the highest degree...
6. Invisible by Hunter Hayes
I love this song so much...
Those words cut deep
But they don't mean you're all alone
In their narrow minds there's no room
For anyone who dares to do something different
There's so much more to life than what you're feeling now
etc, etc.. just trust me, its a fantastic song.
7. The Mirror (Angel of Music) by Andrew Lloyd Webber
The relationship between the Phantom and Christine just reminds me so much of the idealized relationship between a girl and her father in the stay at home daughtership movement.
Upon learning of Raoul's interest in Christine, the Phantom angrily sings:
Insolent boy, this slave of fashion, basking in your glory
Ignorant fool this brave young suitor sharing in my triumph!
Her response is a meek:
Angel, I hear you. Speak, I listen. Stay by my side, guide me
Angel, my soul was weak forgive me, Enter at last, Master.
And if you think I am making too drastic a comparison here, I challenge you to read So Much More for yourself!
8. Stars from Les Miserables
This just demonstrates some of the negative ideology so perfectly. If you "falter and fall", then you are no longer worthy of redemption.
Those who follow the path of the path of the righteous
Shall have their reward
And if they fall as Lucifer fell, the flame the sword
And so it must be for so it is written
On the doorway to Paradise
That those who falter and those who fall
Must pay the price
Notice the utter absence of the concept of .. grace!
9. Human by Christina Perri
This song just epitomizes so much of my experience with fundamentalism and the expectations of Christian Patriarchy, modesty/purity culture, etc..
But I'm only human
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
Cause I'm only human
I can turn it on
Be a good machine
It's just so perfect. And it's what happens, too! You learn to endure, stifle your emotions, and suppress your heart, but in the end it just results in hurt and disappointment.
10. Because of You by Kelly Clarkson
..Lest anyone say this ideology doesn't have lasting negative repercussions...
I lose my way and it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry because I know it's weakness in your eyes
Because of you, I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you, I am afraid
Bonus: Let it Go by Idina Menzel
..alright, I know you're probably sick of this song by now, but it's so true.
There seems to be an unspoken rule among Christians that troubles, depression, addictions, or temptation means that you have somehow failed in your walk with God and aren't "digging into the Word enough"(whatever that means!).
We all dress nicely and paste on a made up smile to go to our nice little churches where we sit neatly in a row listening to a sermon on what we can do to make ourselves better Christians, shake hands all around, "How are you, brother?" "Oh I'm good, praise the Lord, brother. How are you?" "I'm blessed and highly favored!" "Well, Amen, Praise the Lord!"...and on to the next person. We paste on false smiles, whitewash our lives, and the most genuine comment allowed is "Pray for me, I've been under some spiritual attack lately", to which the inevitable response is, "Oh I will pray for you" (even though you know they really won't), and a misquoted Bible verse on "rejoice in the Lord always" or "be anxious for nothing".
I had just turned 16 when Disney's "Frozen" first came out in theaters. The plot revolves around two sisters, one of whom has incredible power which can be used for good or destruction. And in an attempt to minimize the negative effect which her power could be used for, her parents teach her to conceal, hide, and don't feel in order to avoid hurting herself or others. While I initially enjoyed it, I didn't really connect with the film until Elsa started singing her iconic song, Let It Go. Hearing the song for the first time, when she reached the lyrics:
"Don't let them in/Don't let them see/Be the good girl you always have to be/Conceal don't feel/ Don't let them know"
I got shivers down my spine as those lines hit home, and I recognized everything I had internalized about friendships and relationships from church, youth group, and homeschool group encapsulated in just a few short lines.
Too often, in Christian circles, we teach folk that in order to be "godly" we must be perfect. Fake it till you make it. Put on the good christian girl(or guy) mask. Pretend that life is always good and you're "blessed and highly favored" no matter what turmoil your world may be in. Anything can be solved by reading one's bible more or praying more. And if, by some chance, that doesn't solve all your problems, well then, you must not be close enough to the Lord. Either way, it's your fault. Put on a smile, suck it up, and move on. Paste on that happy face and fool the world.
For God's sake, don't talk about depression, let alone admit to being depressed! Don't talk about self harm or suicide or any other such uncomfortable disturbing topic! Don't talk about physical, sexual, emotional, verbal, or spiritual abuse, because we all know that physical/sexual abuse is the only valid form of abuse, right? Don't struggle with PTSD, bipolarity, insomnia, anorexia, bulimia, eating disorders, lust, same sex attraction, drug/substance abuse, addictions, cutting, suicidal thoughts, schizophrenia, or any other mental illness. Don't ever have anxiety or panic attacks because God commands us to not be anxious about anything, right?
WRONG!
Of all the places I have ever been to, I've felt the least safe at church. I've looked around at everyone else's picture perfect lives and been convinced that I just wasn't reading my Bible enough or praying enough, therefore I was depressed. And the amount of guilt was overwhelming. The few people I did confide in either didn't understand, or told me that if I "drew closer to God", all my problems would be fixed. And those who DID understand and truly help me were those who would definitely not classify as your typical Christian. Those who had been through real struggles, the kind not traditionally discussed on Sunday morning.
They weren't your classic "good Christian girl/boy". They were... real. They had the same problems as ordinary people, and I felt safe talking to them about any and everything.
And I slowly began to learn that .. guess what? It's ok not to be perfect. It's okay to struggle, it's ok to fall down. You just can't let the struggle become your identity.
It's alright to be depressed. It doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you. Depression is a flaw in your genetic makeup, not a flaw in your character.
Self harm is an addiction and craving, but there's no shame in getting help. Those who deserve to be ashamed are those who would shame someone who is finally getting the help they need. The scars are just battle wounds.
All your problems are not always spiritual, and it's ok to be real. Spiritual and verbal abuse exist. Mental illness isn't always a spiritual problem and can't always be cured by quoting a Bible verse.
Personally, my heavy mask is finally cracking, and I'm learning to open up and that there's no shame in admitting to having a bad day, being depressed, relapsing, falling down, as long I get back up eventually. Letting people in isn't always a bad thing, you just have to choose who to open up to. If they can be real with you, then you can be real with them. But heaven preserve us from lip service whitewashed "perfect" Christians. Because, honestly, no one's that perfect and it would do us a great deal of good to admit it for once.
Maybe, just maybe, then more people would start being real with themselves and others, especially in the body of Christ.
