{run strong}

I have always hated the concept of running.

not only did it utterly fail to make sense to me (who would willingly wake up in the predawn hours only to push themselves past exhaustion, collecting sore muscles, callouses, and stinky socks), but... if you've ever seen me run?

*cough* races *cough* soccer *cough* frisbee *cough* dodgeball *cough*

it's not pretty.

and while i've never been the sort of girl to sob over a chipped nail, neither would i style myself the 'athletic' type.. or really athletic at all. my sister is the long-legged lanky one.

however, through a series of events far too detailed to list here.... not the least of which being the fact that my siblings joined the local homeschool track team... i found myself giving running a shot in earnest.

and, perhaps even more surprisingly, absolutely loving it.

loving the strength and the freedom which comes from the feeling of the wind in my hair and my face turned towards the sun. loving running itself, loving discovering new trails and routes and the sense of community which i now feel as i pass by neighbors and we share a mutual greeting. loving letting this become my prayer time.

loving the lessons i have learned, lessons i am learning.

i once thought that ships and war were never at a loss for metaphors about life...well, it would seem that ships, war, and running are never at a loss for metaphors.

and i am starting to realize that running wrong is what has ruined previous decisions to recover, and hopefully working to avoid repeating the same mistakes.

Coach says that the first ten minutes of a run are the hardest. they are warm-up, accustoming muscles and legs to the work which is set before them, finding a rhythm, setting a steadfast pace to complete the distance. the discomfort of the first ten minutes, once endured, morphs into a steady strength.

the hardest thing always will be, and always has been, the first ten minutes. the decision to try. the choice to choose. and then the beginning work of rebuilding.

once the foundation is laid, then to build the walls is manageable. but to lay a foundation on ruined rubble, to clean and brush off the stones to set them back together is the hardest. yet, once mastered, the strength which is created and sustained will stand you in good stead towards finishing the race.

however, to start out too fast will destroy you. to start sprinting, thinking you will maintain that pace for miles without pausing for rest, without petering out, is impossible.

you cannot sprint long distance.

you must run....at a steady maintainable pace.

to start recovery with the illusions that it will be a sprint to the finish line, that it will be accomplished as fast as possible, will be to soon find yourself defeated, falling, gasping for air as lungs burn and feet fail far from the finish.

my brother calls me an overachiever, but he is right when he says that comparison kills. some will run faster, some will run slower, some will finish as others are just beginning. to compare my journey to others, to look to them for indication of whether or not i am successful will ruin my motivation and wreak havoc on my dedication.

don't stop. it is far better to run at a slow and steady pace than to keep stopping and starting. walk, jog...crawl...but always keep moving forward. never stop. in life it is the same principle. recovery doesn't get a day off. i cannot hit the pause button.. otherwise, that is not recovery. that is relapse. keep moving. it doesn't matter how slow, just keep moving closer to the end, closer to the goal...closer to Christ.

but finally, and perhaps most importantly, i am learning to fix my eyes. don't look down. chin up, shoulders back, eyes raised running is what will see me home. as soon as i look down, as soon as my eyes are taken off Christ and focus on the surrounding waves, i stumble, i falter, i fall. only by raising my eyes to Him can i ever find the strength and endurance to carry on.

and 'since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and the sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race which is set before us. looking unto Jesus....' comes alive with new meaning for me.

run with endurance, run through rain and shine and snow and pain and frustration and fear. run for hope and faith and recovery and peace and....freedom.

freedom long denied, finally coming true.

after all.... 'you can't run in a race when you're down on your hands. get up on your feet, stand tall like a man. put on the shoes of endurance, drink the water of life. keep your mind on the goal, keep your eyes on the prize. run strong'

those words echo in my mind mornings, racing home.

to run with endurance. run with a true heart. run with eyes fixed and feet steady.

run strong.