Thursday, September 18, 2014

Downsides of Christian Patriarchy: When Respect Becomes Husband -Worship

Recently, while browsing the internet I came across this article entitled "27 Ways To Show Your Husband Respect".

Now, let me say that I have absolutely nothing wrong with respecting your husband. However, some of the principles advocated here caught me off guard and had me questioning the motives behind the article.

The author starts out by chronicling some of her own struggles with respecting her husband, and pointing out that respect is shown because of love.

Some of her suggestions are valid and good advice for ANY relationship. Such as:

"Pray for Him"

"If you need his help, ask him clearly. Don't beat around the bush...or try to manipulate"

"Let him know you enjoy just being with him"

....and others. But, some were rather disturbing as well.

"Hold his hand in public"

What if your husband isn't into PDA? Does that mean you fail to sufficiently honor and respect your husband by not showing PDA?

"Dress modestly so you don't draw the attention of other men"

Hold up. Since when is it the WOMAN'S sole fault if someone lusts after her? There's just all kinds of wrongness about this statement.

"Attempt to keep your home in order for his comfort"

I remember, growing up, the stress my mother dealt with having to not only watch, train, and homeschool five children (all under the age of ten), but also trying to keep the house in tip top shape. Having a clean house isn't a bad thing. Is a woman "disrespecting" her husband, though,  if she's been run ragged all day tidying, training, and teaching to the point where, by the time he gets home, the house is a mess?

"Praise him for accomplishments"

This goes both ways. A husband should appreciate all the work his wife puts in, and vice versa. Marriage isn't a one way street.

"Join him on an adventure of his choosing"

..which would seem to imply that any adventure of the wife's choosing isn't valid?

"Ask your spouse about his job. Listen to his struggles and accomplishments.."

Again, marriage is not a one way street. One of the greatest lessons I've learned from my dad is how a real man treats a woman. Sure, mom asks about dad's day, but he also asks about hers! 

What disturbed me the most, however, was getting to the end of the article and noticing that no where on the site is a related article on how husbands can respect/love their wives! There were articles on how to strengthen your marriage, what husbands wish their wives knew, etc, but it all seemed drastically one-sided, where the wife is supposed to bend over backwards to "respect, honor, and submit" to her husband and his only responsibility is to "lead" the family without teaching men what Biblical leadership looks like! (which is servant leadership btw...look at Jesus!)

<3 Tirzah

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