On Sexual Promiscuity, Abstinence, and Freedom.

For this week's history assignment, the main project was to compose a short, yet engaging presentation, aimed at youth and their parents, on the topic of sexual promiscuity and freedom, yet addressing it from a Biblical worldview.

Needless to say, this caused a bit of a crisis on my end, since I would easily tell you I am nowhere close to having all my thoughts on this subject sorted out.

However, for almost the first time since this course started, I managed to compile my actual thoughts - soundly backed by Scripture - while still being pleased with the finished product.

Therefore, with no further ado...

I present:

Sexual Promiscuity, Freedom, and License: A Biblical Analysis

I'm going to start, as I think any good analysis should, by defining my terms.

Promiscuous: having or involving many sexual partners.

Therefore, 'promiscuity' IS:

• An indiscriminate and immoral sexual lifestyle 
• Premarital sex with several partners, one night stands, etc...

Promiscuity is NOT:

• Having a crush, flirting, holding hands with a guy, kissing a guy.....

But....

And the options?

Or...

,.....yeahhh.....

How about this?

(And for those of you poor deprived souls who actually don't know who Mr. Darcy is..if you even exist...) 

But is that really realistic? 

And where does one draw the line between holding out for a real gentleman, and..say..the guy with the nerf shooter?

I guess it's rather time for the million dollar question, then, isn't it? 

"Flee from sexual immorality" 1 Corinthians 1:16

"But sexual immorality and impurity...must not be named among you, as befits the saints" Ephesians 5:3

"For this is the will of God, your sanctification, that you flee from sexual immorality" 1 Thessalonians 4:3

"Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous" Hebrews 13:4

"Now the works of the flesh are evident; sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality" Galatians 5:19

...now. I know what you're all thinking....

Or maybe, like me..

But, see the thing is... I beg to differ. 

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, all things are become new" 2 Corinthians 5:17

"We were buried therefore with Him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead...we also might walk in newness of life" Romans 6:4

"There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" Romans 8:1

So here's the deal, then. 

We know the Bible says that sexual immorality is a sin. 

But the Bible also says lying is a sin. 

Granted, the world around us might be headed to hell in a handbasket, but that doesn't mean we have to go along with it. 

Rather, God commands us to "flee youthful lusts" and, instead, set an example for other believers in faith, love, charity, conversation, purity, etc.

BUT

You are NOT damaged goods if you have screwed up. 

Therefore, in conclusion, 

If you are committed to avoiding sexual promiscuity in favor of a life of sexual purity in order to follow, honor, obey, and glorify God, well then good for you.. but beware of judgmentalism. 

"If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us" 1 John 1:8

And if you've made mistakes in the past?...

Well, Jesus himself said it best. 

"Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more". John 8:11 

<3 Tirzah

Returning, We Hear the Larks...

The healing power of nature is often either underrated or overrated in popular culture. 

There seems to be no happy medium between the animist who sees God in all nature, and the video gamer who seems allergic to fresh air.

Isaac Rosenberg's, "Returning, We Hear the Larks", seems to strike that medium, however, in bringing to bear the restorative power of nature in healing the human heart.

After the ravages of war, in the darkness of the night, the soldiers have a brief respite from the horrors of the warfare which has been raging all around them. They are dragging their worn, weary limbs back through the darkness, en route from the front lines to their camp, when a larksong startles the stillness. 

One can almost picture the men stopping mid- stride, and raising their bent heads, breathlessly straining to catch the notes of music trilling through the trees. 

In the midst of chaos and devastation and death, birds are reminiscent of spring, new life, and a life after war - they are reminiscent of home, the peace and joy and beauty which will one day come again after the cruel ravages of war are over, and life has begun again. 

Larks are particularly carefree birds, filling the sky with song, living from one day to the next with nary a care in the world. 

Perhaps, just perhaps, it was what those war weary soldiers needed, that dark night - to hear the song of a bird, reminding them that new life, new hope, and new dreams were still possible. This was not the end. 

And although the night was dark and long, and they were presumably headed right back out to the front lines the next morn for yet another round of death, hope still existed. 

And it would continue to light their way. 

It's a Blog's Life for Me!

I am an avid blog reader. I can't quite help it. I adore blogs, which is perhaps why I found myself compelled to start my own!

And on this rather snowy Saturday in late Spring - at this rate, it will be snowing well into Summer! - I couldn't quite find anything I would rather do than curl up in Dad's armchair with a steaming mug of coffee, a notebook, a pen, and my favorite blogs!

So, for your reading enjoyment, should any of you care to join me in my pasttime, here's what I'm browsing today.

*Disclaimer: The views expressed in the following blogs are those of the respective parties which write them, and do not necessarily reflect my views or opinions. Read with discretion.


A Deeper Story: I first came across this blog due to Sarah Bessey's 'Damaged Goods' article, while researching for a paper I happened to be writing on courtship / emotional purity for an ethics class I was taking at the time. Her message of grace blew my mind, and between it and some of the other articles, I found myself soon hooked.

Homeschooler's Anonymous : While I realize that this blog happens to have some rather controversial material, not all of which I agree with, not only have I written for them, but I have consistently been amazed to discover that I am not alone in my experiences, struggles, and background. The stories are incredible. Some are incredibly sad, and some incredibly liberating, but all incredible.

The Heffington Post: Funny story: I finished reading The Importance of Being Earnest, and upon falling in love with the idea of a 'bunburyist', decided to search the word and came across this beyond hilarious blog!

Darcy's Heart Strings: I happened upon this blog after discovering her article on how she believes the teachings of emotional purity and the courtship movement damage healthy relationships (link). It astounded me, and I found myself agreeing with almost all of her conclusions..plus, she quoted C. S. Lewis! I've found her posts to be well worth the read.

Wife Mom Superwoman: Thanks to Pinterest, I found this amazing woman's blog post on depression.. and she is spot on! The rest of her blog is pretty great too :) Not only does she have an incredibly sarcastic sense of humor, but she knows how to make a point without making an enemy.

The Salt Collective: So, remember the Bible verse on being the 'salt of the world'? ;) Well this blog is anything but boring! And their opinions on modesty? My favorite sarcastic modesty post in the entire world. Easily.

The Art of Manliness: Yes, I do realize that I am a girl..but by the same token, some of my favorite books ever have been written to and for men. Therefore...this rather appealed to me. Plus, the humor is priceless. It's the perfect mix of seriousness and sarcasm, while attempting to 'teach' men 'the art of manliness'

Adam4d: If your thing is comics.. and Christian comics, at that, this is perfect. He hits some painful truths about the church without offending, and is able to make a point without coming off as arrogant.

What My Mind Does: This is a fairly new blog to me,but I feel like the author and I would be good friends in real life....they easily have my taste in poetry! Say Not The Struggle Nought Availeth, anyone? :) Plus, it's a strange feeling to read your mind on someone else's blog. This was a strange deja vu blog for me, as the author and I are far too alike! And that dog is ridiculously gorgeous. I'm jealous.

Recovering Grace: This one, written by ex - IBLP/ATI adherents, is able to debunk much of Bill Gothard's myths firsthand, and prove them unbiblical. Their insights are quite profound, and I found them to be helpful in conversations I've had with my dad in order to explain to him why I no longer believe much of what Bill Gothard says.

No Longer Quivering: This blog is basically just what it says it is.. for those who no longer adhere to the Christian Patriarchy/Quiverful movement...if you don't know what that is, be glad, and skip this. If you do know what it is, however, this is well worth the time it takes to browse.

Elizabeth Esther: I ran into this blog about six months ago, while researching the Pearls, attempting to decide whether or not to read their books. Her viewpoint is quite well founded, and if you have read the Pearls' books, then this is definitely a must-read as well!

Beggar's Daughter: Her post on 'Kissing is not Sex' grabbed my attention pretty quickly, and dispelled some of the myths I had believed due to excessive screwy purity books! But, overall, she is an engaging and interesting blogger, and I loved most of what she had to say!

Love, Joy, Feminism: If you know anything at all about ex-fundamentalist bloggers, the name Libby Anne must have popped up somewhere! I am not sure I am completely on board with some of her opinions, since she has left Christ altogether, but in the main, her childraising posts, and her relationships posts are fairly spot on.

Phylicia Delta: Her views on purity are the main reason I started reading her blog, but after a little while, I couldn't tear myself away! She blogs on what it's like to live as an imperfect, real Christian woman in this day and age, and I love it.

Defeating the Dragons: What can I say? I happen to read a lot of ex-fundamentalist blogs. They're far more real, vulnerable, and open. Plus, she's doing a series on depression soon.. Which I can't wait for!

Wintry Knight: If you are ever surrounded by idiots, this blog will remind you that there are greater idiots by far than those which you may encounter on a day to day basis. The self- styled "Greatest Christian Apologist" is quite frankly, ridiculous. His views on women are incredibly funny and idiotic. Good for a laugh.

Kate Schell: And yet another ex-fundamentalist, who blogs on leaving purity culture, guarding your heart, and how she lives life as a young woman in the freedom of God's love. Amazing. This particular post on depression put a smile on my face this afternoon, and I highly recommend it!

Heresy In The Heartland: Alright, so my family wasn't as conservative as this one, growing up, but I can still relate to a good many of her points. It's totally worth perusing for the sympathetic cringes, and memories it provokes which make me laugh.

John Pavlovitz; I am not sure just what sort of creature he is, but in the main I agree with his stance on most issues, especially those pertaining to Godly womanhood and manhood. This post in particular, on teenage beauty pageants, struck me with its painful accuracy. Read it.

Can You Stay For Dinner: And, of course, I wouldn't be the oldest daughter of seven children without following at least one recipe blog (hint: I follow several) ;) This one is particularly good, though, as she discusses her struggles with an eating disorder, and her recipes happen to be delicious as well!

But, that's about the gist of my afternoon! ;) I can only hope yours was as pleasant!

<3 Tirzah

On Learning to be Lonely

They say every woman's dream is to find her true love. 

I don't know how true (or false) that might be, but for me, it was definitely true.

My greatest desire was always to marry and raise children.

In part because I believed that it was the best way to serve God - as a Stay At Home Mom - but mainly because I love children, and I am an incurable romantic.

My dream prince was tall and handsome with blue eyes and either blonde or black hair - it didn't really matter so long as it was wavy - and well let's just say someone watched too much Disney growing up!

I grew up eating, drinking, and breathing romance, princes, princesses, dragons, knights, damsels in distress, and the ubiquitous "true love".

I don't remember quite how old I was when I realized it was all untrue.

After all, what Disney princess do you know of - who finds her prince and a happily ever after - that isn't white? And has gorgeous blonde hair? Or short black hair? Or curly red hair?... You see my point? It doesn't happen. Tiana is an exception, and no one really considers her part of the core Disney trio anyways.

I also figured out that it doesn't really matter what a girl's character is like, so long as her skin is fair. She could be a complete airheard, or she could be an absolute snob, but so long as she is white and pretty, it doesn't really matter. Plus, I've never been good at the whole 'meek and quiet' thing.

But through a series of events far too involved and lengthy to go into in detail here, I have learned that pure, upstanding, clean cut men do not fall in love with girls like me. Good homeschool boys marry other good homeschool girls.

They do not marry volatile, wounded, damaged, self destructive, scarred, short, curvy brown girls with a history of pain and heartbreak. They do not fall in love with girls who are not pure, or who have done things which even the most liberal Christian would gasp in horror if they knew. They most certainly do not love girls who look a fright first thing in the morning, and need three pounds of makeup in order to look even semi attractive. They do not marry girls whose skin color instantly brands them "sexy" and "exotic". They just do not.

They marry tall pretty blondes. Or short vivacious redheads. Or brunettes. But not dark girls. Never dark girls.

I guess in a way, this realization is a relief.

I am too damaged to be loved, too complicated to be understood, too intense not to frighten away anyone who dares venture underneath the happy fairy mask which I display to the rest of the world.

My past, in addition to the fact that I am not white, forms a rather compelling case against falling in love with me. Especially if you are a good Christian homeschooled boy - you know, the kind that my dad wouldn't immediately run off the premises with a shotgun. ;)

I want children but I shall never have them, because I would not willingly inflict my depression upon an innocent child.

I want love but I shall never have nor accept it, because I could not expect a man to put up with my volatility, hurt, scars, and past. Neither could I truly believe that the love of a man can be true.

Therefore, I am learning, slowly but surely, how to resign myself to a future in which it will be just me, and perhaps a few friends. No marriage, no children, no husband. No one to kiss me awake, or make lunches for, or sing to sleep.

And it is a rather terrifying prospect, looking down the years, and knowing that what you wish for more than anything will never come to pass, but perhaps it is better this way. For all concerned.

I am learning to be alone.

I am learning to be lonely.

A Letter to the Director of Insurgent ;)

Dear Director of Insurgent,

You just had to take out all my favorite parts in the book and replace them with trite, mostly meaningless babble, didn't you?

I mean, Uriah doesn't talk to Tris on the rooftop, and Tris can initially fight off the truth serum and she chooses to confess that she killed Will.

You swapped Tris and Tobias' roles, too, because in the book Tris doesn't trust Evelyn, and Tobias does.

Peter is a sadistic psychopath who only saves Tris' life because he can't stand the thought of being indebted to a "Stiff".

And Caleb betrays his sister with no remorse at all, at least, not until well into the third book!

Plus, it's "thank you for your honesty", NOT "thank you for your candor". And yes, there is a difference. Plus, they whisper it.

You left out the part where Tobias beats Marcus with his belt, and the exchange between him and Tris where he throws down the gauntlet and tells her that he cannot love a Tris who insists upon destroying herself.

Whatever happened to the scene where Tris climbs to the top of the building and almost throws herself from it, because she can't handle the pain anymore?

Or the fact that she promises Tobias she won't sacrifice herself, and then does anyway?

I also don't understand why Tris and Tobias had to have implied sex! In the book, the whole point was that she wouldn't be with him that way if she was just using him to make her feel better, and that was beautiful and noble. You lost that in the movie.

And what on earth was that cube? That was nowhere in the book! The whole simulations thing was completely screwed up and inaccurate.

I mean, don't get me wrong.. I did love the movie, and the special effects were splendid! And I adored Tris because I could absolutely relate to her, what with the nightmares, and hurting the ones she cared the most about, and pretending to be brave when you're anything but!

By the same token, however, I sorely missed my favorite lines from the book, and how Tobias refuses to coddle her and insists that she is strong enough to live, and the way he tells her not to apologize when she says sorry for everything, and I guess I was just looking forward to something slightly more accurate to the book.

Therefore, I was disappointed, in comparison, because of the absolute failure to adhere to even the basic plot line of the book!

I do think it matters, and I adore the book so much that it saddened me how much was cut out.

You didn't completely screw everything up, but I will just have to think twice before reading a book just prior to watching the movie.

My mistake....but you made plenty too. ;)

On Being Happy

I had a conversation yesterday with a friend I haven't seen in quite some time, and the topic of suicide came up. She mentioned a mutual friend of  ours who had completed suicide a few years ago, and as we both reminisced on his death, she commented that she would never have guessed he was suicidal since "He was always so happy!"

I must admit, I saw red for a moment there.

For the one hundred millionth time, if someone is depressed or suicidal or self harms or has an eating disorder, then they are the most accomplished actors and actresses that you will probably ever meet. They have been taught - oh so painfully - to keep their walls up and not let anyone in, because not only does no one understand, but after a while, people get tired of hearing of your problems and just dismiss them out of hand. Therefore their smiles are the most convincing, and their laughs are the most genuine, because it is a constant mask that they are forced to maintain for all who see.

But comments like that make my blood boil because we are so quick to believe the smile - so willing to believe the laugh - that we fail to look past that and truly understand what others are going through. There is a difference between sad and depressed. Sad is visible. Depression isn't always. In fact, it usually isn't.

And once more, I wish to God that people would stop believing the fake smile, and actually take the time to look into the eyes of those who are hurting and care enough to listen and understand without judging without being put off by the "I'm fine".

I can't tell you how many times I've told people 'I'm fine', and they just willingly accepted it as perfectly legitimate. And these were people who knew about my struggles, knew about my issues, and still believed me when I said I was fine.

*Here's a hint: fine is never fine, especially if a girl tells you she's fine*

Seriously, though, please I beg of you, do not assume that fine means fine. And do not assume that simply because someone smiles, they aren't depressed or suicidal or self harm or have an eating disorder! Smiles can be so deceiving. The mirror can lie. And the happy facade is usually just that - a facade.

So, quite frankly, always seeming happy in public, or when you're with other people, doesn't mean a damn thing.

It's how you are behind closed doors when you don't have to put on the mask for anyone, that truly matters. When you break down, and don't wish to live anymore.

And unless you have seen that side of a person, please don't assume that they're happy.

Just don't.